Thursday 31 December 2009

Siouxsie and the Banshees

My mum used to massage them and their heroin track covered arms. My mum used to be a beauty therapist but she had me and now she works at M&S.

My mum also massaged Dave Hill from the band Slade and the bird who plays Audrey in 'Coronation Street' but I'd prefer not to mention those...







John Hughes Wrote That Too?

Writer/Producer/Director John Hughes died on the 6th of August this year and it's just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I always knew he was the creator of 'The Breakfast Club' which on its own is worth a fair amount of hero worship. I got forced to sit down and watch it with a friend about 2 years ago, and didn't quite get it at the time, but after the second watch it went from a zero straight into my mental top 20 'movies that will change your life' list. The moral: stay young. Youth knows when it's elders have forgotten how to see things. Youth knows how to use that against them, all tied up in an angst ridden entertaining package. Genius.

Then a few months later I read this blog after it appeared on my twitter feed a dozen times and felt sorry that the industry has probably lost one of the few nice blokes left in it.

And finally during my weekly rape of Wikipedia I found out that he wrote 'Uncle Buck' too and I can only imagine that the world has lost a messiah of cult cinema!

Should I not want to sound like a pretentious git and reel off a lists of arty/french/low budget titles as the answers to what my favorite movie is I would instead tell you that 'Uncle Buck' is probably it. Crude, crass and loutish uncle bonds with arrogant, spoilt and insolent teenage niece over the threat of drilling her sex-obsessed and ridiculously stupid boyfriends teeth out whilst he is tied up in the boot of the car. Inspired. Throw the Macaulay Culkin "aww" factor and a few golf balls to the head into the mix and you've got yourself another hit.

My dad and I sit down once a year and laugh hysterically at it, most of the time that day is christmas eve but ITV let us down this year and scheduled it about 3 days late.

John Hughes also wrote these beauties:

  • Sixteen Candles
  • The Great Outdoors
  • Weird Science
  • Pretty In Pink
  • Planes, Trains & Automobiles
  • Home Alone 1, 2 & 3
  • Curly Sue
  • Baby's Day Out
  • Miracle on 34th Street
  • 101 Dalmations
  • Flubber

(On the downside he was also responsible for the 'Maid in Manhattan' script... but as Jennifer Lopez starring movies go you have to give it to him it was one of the more bearable ones...)

It took me almost 5 months to realise but the world has lost a hero of pop culture and I am going to wear black, eat a lot of carbohydrates and overload in the best of these 80's/90's classics for the rest of the week in mourning... I am seriously starting to worry if I will ever laugh whilst simultaneously gain some self awareness during a film again.

Wednesday 30 December 2009

Tuesday 29 December 2009


She’s got some brand new shoes. And she loves them a wee bit too much. So much she almost reenacted the famous Hamlet soliloquy with a shoe in place of the skull on photobooth until she thought that would make her look even more like a tit than she already does… especially when she is writing a caption about herself in 3rd person…

Wednesday 23 December 2009

Thanatophobia

Today I managed to put names to 3 of my fatality related phobias:

1. Athazagoraphobia - the fear of being forgotten. What can I say I'm an attention seeker. The idea of being lonely before I die or not being remembered when I'm gone is horrible.

2. Hydrophobia - the fear of drowning. I know this is supposedly the most painless way to go aside from in your sleep but the idea of waiting for the water to fill your lungs, knowing you are going to die, 3 minutes would probably feel like 40.

3. Pyrophobia - the fear of being burnt alive. This one came into fruition when I took a trip to the ruins of Pompeii in the italian region of Campania a few years back and saw the plaster casts of the victims.

The archaeologists excavating the site found the remains of many people in the last position they were in when the ash and gas fell over Pompeii which was destroyed, and completely buried, during a long catastrophic eruption of the volcano Mount Vesuvius in 79 AD. Most were choked by the ash and pumice-stone dust or killed by the accompanying poisonous gas. The archaeologists filled the places where the bodies were with plaster in order to get a perfect match for individual body position and facial expression.

I have been doing a lot of digging on the family computer over Christmas and came across these pictures again, Pompeii is one of the craziest places I have ever been to and I'm pretty ashamed of myself for almost forgetting it. So this more of a memo to myself than a blog. But if you are interested in reading a more sophisticated overview of the casts or the subsequent exhibition of them check out this article from the Smithsonian (This list of phobias and meanings is a pretty good read too).

Saturday 19 December 2009

a quote from Sylvia Plath

"Yes, I was infatuated with you; I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn’t stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren’t having any of those."

“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”

Carl Reigner was an asshole for saying this. Snow is the ONLY good thing about winter in my book despite the obvious exceptions of presents and turkey.

Being cold? Rubbish. Crowded shopping centers/streets? Rubbish. Huge queues for the bank? Rubbish. Knowing as soon as Christmas is over you won't sleep until mid January because of last minute deadline rush? Rubbish. Pretending to be happy to see distant family members and being forced to kiss old people? Awkward and rubbish. But snow? Snow is amazing. It makes you forget how cold you are because it makes you so numb you lose feeling in every limb, it makes people excited and lovey dovey with each other, it's an excuse to throw shit at passers by and it not be an offense and it blankets the world in soft white - making everything look more appealing - cat shit, litter - who cares if you can't see it anymore?

Infact I wish I was closer to my university situated home so I could reenact the following:


Even the snowball to the vagina part:

But alas I am home alone, because people work in these parts but daddy has promised if it's still reasonably snowy by the morning we are going to reinvent the almost conservatory sized igloo we built when I was 3. So fingers crossed.

Thursday 17 December 2009

Methodically Speaking

The only way to assess ones own happiness is by measuring the amount of things that could be better by the amount of things that could go wrong. The way I see it, if the number of things that could go wrong outweigh the things that could be better, then you are a pretty lucky person as you’d have far more to lose than if you were already at the bottom. Making those few things you wish could be better more important than what you already have just makes them disappear further out of reach.

Tuesday 15 December 2009

a quote from mayra hornbacher (wasted)

"THERE IS NEVER A SUDDEN REVELATION, A COMPLETE AND TIDY EXPLANATION FOR WHY IT HAPPENED, OR WHY IT ENDS, OR WHY OR WHO YOU ARE. YOU WANT ONE AND I WANT ONE, BUT THERE ISN’T ONE. IT COMES IN BITS AND PIECES, AND YOU STITCH THEM TOGETHER WHEREVER THEY FIT, AND WHEN YOU ARE DONE YOU HOLD YOURSELF UP, AND STILL THERE ARE HOLES AND YOU ARE A RAG DOLL, INVENTED, IMPERFECT. AND YET YOU ARE ALL THAT YOU HAVE, SO YOU MUST BE ENOUGH. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY."

Knees Up Mother Brown!

p>Lately I have been starting to feel my age. And although I may only be 21 and I have (fingers crossed) many more years ahead than I have behind, I have nevertheless been feeling the first burns of nostalgia. It started with the faint memory of my first phone (Nokia 3210) and the fact I only asked for it so I could play my ringtones to my friend on the school bus and get the top score for snake in the lunch break tournaments. Then I borrowed season 1&2 of Ally Mcbeal from my friend Pippa. And finally the main theme of Gretel's birthday party ended up becoming an in bed, youtube, love fest at everything and anything 90's (mainly clips from kids TV shows) avec really good cake and odd european spirits.

So, behold a list of programmes I demand to be put back on T.V.:

Recess, Finders Keepers, TOTPS, Moesha, City Guys, Dawson's Creek,The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Clarissa Explains It All, Kenan & Kel, The Big Breakfast, Heartbreak High, Light Lunch with Mel & Sue, Biker Mice from Mars, Daria, Ren & Stimpy, Dexter's Laboratory, Bad Girls, Xena: Warrior Princess, Hey! Arnold, Johnny Bravo, Are you afraid of the dark?, Cold Feet, The Poddington Peas, Inspector Gadget, Penny Crayon, The Angry Beavers, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, SMTV Live, Wizzadora, Live & Kicking, Saved by the Bell, Sister Sister...

Could this be the greatest opening theme tune of all time?







Most of all can I have 'My So Called Life' back, the first show I actively remember skipping school for because I thought it was the manual to being a teenager:







(...I am still waiting for my boiler room babe, do english schools even have boiler rooms?)

And what about TY babies and tamagotchis? Surely they still have a place in the world post millennium? And forget Ipods I want my 'Power Rangers' lunch box back!

The best thing about the impending 'tenties' (are we really going to have to call this decade that?) for me is going to be the 3rd season of 'True Blood' and continuing to follow Cesar Millan on twitter ("One of the most important things I want to get across is that dogs are dogs—not humans!" - so wise). Those things aside with the ever growing array of satellite T.V. stations, including a channel I recently came across that seemed to be committed to only showing 80's film remakes of american 'true story' specials (a la my husband left me for my best friend, I became an alcoholic, they took my children off me but then I fell in love with a horse took it to the races and now I am rich! ) I'm surprised that there doesn't seem to be one committed to showing nineties children/teen reruns. Give the people what they want!

P.s. I would like to give a big shout out to whoever in the english language invented the brackets - they seem to be new favorite means of punctuation.

Monday 14 December 2009

Just stood on a mirror...

… and it smashed. Does that mean I have to endure another 7 years of bad luck? The time limit isn’t even up yet from that time I walked over 3 drains, and that time I walked under a ladder, and that time a black cat crossed my path… and all those crisp packets I opened upside down…

Thursday 10 December 2009

"In Creeps the Morning and Another Day is Lost."

We humans as a species spend most of our time wishing our lives away. Mourning the events of the week behind and losing days in bed in the present, looking forward to the next birthday, christmas, holiday or big event - “when this happens it’ll be better…” Or worse we get drunk to have a good night, to not feel, to forget and to not care, which makes tomorrow yet another day to ignore when your stomach burns and you have sick in your hair.

We are always looking far into the future or glamorizing what lays in the past. We have a tendency to not recognise the present, to always be wanting, and even in the future when we realize we were content in a moment behind us, you can bet we didn’t register it at the time.

The saddest thing is we will get to a certain age and realise we had everything we ever wanted even when we had sick in our hair, they will be our “glory days” and we will be resentful of being aged, having health problems, mortgages, we will flirt with our co workers and develop a distaste to how normal our lives have become. The rigmarole of the 9-5.

We’ll soon get even older, too old, our whole lives will feel like a dream and we’ll love every moment of our existence as it slowly ebbs over us in flashbacks, that our regrets made us, that we loved, that we lost, that we lived. But as soon as we understand it the days remaining will be too close to being over.

Saturday 5 December 2009

Saturday/Sunday Smut Fest

...because nothing says "hello weekend" better than mammaries.

Friday 4 December 2009

Friday's Finds

1. Spider - Short Film by Nash Edgerton






"It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye"


2. Postmortem Bliss - Short film by Floria Sigismondi






"... if I had one day, when I didn't have to be all confused and ashamed of everything - or I felt I belonged some place."

Thursday 3 December 2009

a quote from Alphonse Karr

"Uncertainty is the worst of all evils until the moment when reality makes us regret uncertainty."

My God It's Cold!

IT'S FUCKING WINTER AGAIN! Winter, the cold season. Winter, the dark season. Winter, the lonely season. Winter, the "everyone has someone to spoon but me" season. Winter, the "I wish I had two coins to rub together! I would buy port, heat it on the stove and get pissed." season. The "I'm practically Tiny Tim staring at the turkey he can't have" season... and to top it off I live in a 3 storey igloo.

There is only so much feet warming you can do with a hairdryer, nose heating to do with a laptop charger...I had a lot pinning on my newfound red hair bringing me some insulation... it didn't.

So bare with me while I channel my inner black eyed pea and ask: where is the love? It seems like everyone I know is getting together, and although I spend 99.9% of my life craving freedom and a good book, it's just not keeping me warm this winter.

So... If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain, if you'd like making love... Oh no wait... those were Jimmy Buffet's requirements...

Personally right now I am willing to settle for the first person armed with a cider and black, a packet of crisps and a penchant for spooning. Desperate times call for desperate measures, no one wants to sit around and wait until they are pissing icicles.

Consider this a casting call.

"The fated love turns out to be a human fantasy" according to Eugenides. I seem to be constantly yearning for a paradise that is receding endlessly before me.

But for now I won't let go of the dream...(for the sake of body heat).

I'll never let go Jack! I'll never let go!

Tuesday 1 December 2009

Top 5 Tuesday

Top 5 Weird Words:

1. Continuum

2. Argute

3. Err

4. Quixotic

5. Tree

Top 5 ‘I Wish I Hadn’t’ Moments:

1. Asked my orthodontist if I could keep my braces in a jar.

2. Took a ‘Furbee’ (those things never shut up) to a west end show.

3. Greeted that girl with “wow that’s a huge spot”… She might have been a good candidate for a friendship.

4. Tipped up what I thought was one of those liquid timers at my Auntie’s house, turned out to be my Cousin’s beloved sea monkey colony. Mass hysteria ensued.

5. Just ran upstairs with a tooth brush in my mouth… Vom.

Top 5 People I Want to Have a Dinner Party With:

1. Virginia Woolf

2. Lady Gaga (/Kathleen Hanna it’s a toss up)

3. Rasputin

4. Sarah Palin (mostly to throw food at)

5. Tracey Emin

Top 5 Things I Wish I’d Made With My Bare Hands:

1. The gas mask bra

2. The telescope for invisible stars

3. TV Teddy

4. Scarlett Johansson

5. The seven ‘new and improved’ deadly sins

a quote from miranda july (something that needs nothing)

"…for a split second I felt as though she was nobody special in the larger scheme of my life. She was just some girl who had tied me to her leg to help her sink when she jumped off the bridge. Then I blinked and was in love with her again."

Facebook

The mothership of my internet addiction. You have been deactivated. Deactivated because Charlene Batchelor dared me to. And what do you know? I have rediscovered sunlight, books, disposable cameras, felt tip pens, fresh air, and peace of mind.

If I keep it down until deadline I’m hoping I will at least get bought a cookie.

Monday 30 November 2009

Question:

After you get your hair coloured is it normal for every subsequent bath/shower you take to be bright orange?

Sunday 29 November 2009

Here's Looking At You, Kid!





I don’t know why I was getting stared at so much in the street today… Was it the fact my flies were undone all afternoon? Or that I was talking to myself whilst simultaneously burping/heaving (because I attempted to drink a bottle of Dr. Pepper in motion)?

Ah, in the past, towards rare individuals
I have felt the pull of desire:
Oh come, come nearer, come into touch!
Come physically nearer, be flesh to my flesh -

But say little, oh say little,
and afterwards, leave me alone.
Keep your aloneness , leave my aloneness. -
I used to say this in the past - but now no more.
It has always been a failure.
They have always insisted on love
and on talking about it
and on the me-and-thee and what we meant to each other.

So now I have no desire any more
Except to be left, in the last resort, alone, quite alone.

- Desire, D.H. Lawrence.

Saturday 28 November 2009

The Human Zoo

"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live—did live, from habit that became instinct—in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized."

George Orwell, 1984.

CCTV produces a whole field of the visual that isn't "made". The framework is wholly empty, noone is filming, anyone or noone might be watching, it just happens, reel after reel, as easy as breathing in an out, and you are caught.

Photo still of the surveillance camera players

Could CCTV just be a modern interpretation of the god-like presence? Western civilisation has largely all but dismantled every pure ideal of religion so is this new omnipresence the replacement? The all knowing, all seeing eye of the camera lens?

"Big Brother" as a T.V. show domesticates the idea of privacy invasion thus making the whole idea a cosy piece of popular entertainment that has been inbuilt in us to feel comfortable with.

If we as a society are not comfortable with our role the watching/watched are we paranoid? Is that idea more unacceptable? Are we then deemed as people with something to hide? But then what could be more paranoid than having cameras everywhere in the first place?

We are caught on a surveillance camera approximately 300 times per day.

In chaos there will always be an opportunity to enforce control but since when did feeling protected come from a world that is always exposed?

Friday 27 November 2009

I waft of coconut... Must have been to the hairdressers...

Is it just me or is getting your hair conditioned at the salon a gigantic turn on?

Anyway... one 40 minute drive, a 10 minute wait, a 30 minute slap of cold orange gunk on my head, a wait under a newfangled space-like head heater, a shampoo, a condition, some form of toner, 2 more shampoos, 2 more conditions, a boner, a hot wet towel, a warm dry towel, a cut, a blow dry, a shave and a cup of tea later and I look like my main man Peter Pan.

The Inspiration:

The Big Unveil:

Sunday 22 November 2009

Fuck.

I’m unequivocally and irrevocably happy.

Monday 16 November 2009

Communication Breakdown

I returned home from London with 427 unread emails, 207 unread facebook messages and a dead phone with 12 texts (not including missed calls) I can only read by pressing a button I can no longer click on.

I don’t think I could feel more technophobic/out of touch.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing though, at least I can avoid the texts I have saved that I care no longer to read and the ones that I still get that I don’t desire to pay attention to. At least now I have the chance to really think about what I want to say before I am able to get hold of someone.

It’s crazy how much emphasis is on one piece of equipment for any communication with the outside world. You would be surprised how strange it is to go meet for coffee without the option of being able to check up on the other person.

The modern world has become too impatient and too thoughtless. Our lives are constantly a toss up over whether we have too much time or not enough, too much contact or not enough contact. I think with social networking and mobile phones we are collectively treading the borders of whether we can suffice without checking up on everyone else’s plans… at what point do we make decisions of our own? It’s nice to be able to breathe without feeling obligated to reply back or get in touch… even if I could be missing out on something.

I wonder what Jane Austen did with herself in the 17th century when it was all letters and wax stamps?

Saturday 14 November 2009

Monday 9 November 2009

Provocation vs. Pornography

Photograph by Christian Simbaldi for 'The Guardian'.

Just dropping by to say that if you are planning on visiting the 'Pop Life' exhibition at the TATE modern you might not want to take your mother with you... at least not in Jeff Koon's porn room. Let's just say this HUGE sculpture was not so easy on the eyes/safe for work at any other angle. Neither was the silkscreen measuring 2.5 by 1.5 meters of his ex wife Ilona Staller's asshole... as for the rest they were pretty much billboard sized cumshots...

It was no more uncomfortable as when I took her to see Marina Abramovic's 'Balkan Erotic Epic' at Compton Verney where we watched women running around baring their vagina's in the rain for the sake of agriculture. But at least there was a valid message there beyond "hey look at me I married an Italian pornstar", which only fed my opinion of Koon as an hubristic megalomanic. Nevertheless maybe my judgement would be less harsh if I wasn't under parental supervision? Either way I could have done without the asshole. Cheers Jeff!

Me stiff backed, my mother giggling and red faced, I wasn't sure if we were viewers or voyeurs, experiencing that room as a family affair made viewing Damien Hirst's dead calf in the next section feel like a breezy walk through the park.

Mummy must be having a serious wander about where my artistic interests lie... Maybe next time I should take her to see the impressionists?

Friday 6 November 2009

I had a dream

That I was naked and I kept pulling my loose teeth out. Not only that but my parents were also running around naked and I was completely disgusted despite being nude with a mouth full of blood myself. Not quite as inspirational as Martin Luther king had it…

So before I concerned myself that I might be subconsciously a part of a masochistic, circus freak, incestuous, nudist colony, I perused an online dream dictionary or two.

Apparently:

  • Dreaming of being naked yourself means the person is worried about feeling vunerable/exposed to others or that they dream of freedom and nothing else.
  • Dreaming of seeing someone else naked and being repulsed means that the dreamer is concerned about discovering the reality of some person or situation.
  • Dreaming about losing teeth suggests that the person feels powerless or out of control in a real-life situation. If the teeth are loose it is a warning of untrustworthy friends and if the dreamer pulls them out it suggests they have lost, or are anxious about losing someone who has been important to them.
  • Dreaming of blood loss denotes a feeling of powerlessness. The dreamer may be exhausted or feeling emotionally drained.

All in all I think I prefer the nudist colony idea…

Thursday 5 November 2009

Smurf James, Watercolor.

Today I learnt that painting a picture of someone with flaky smurf-blue face paint on is near enough impossible… So I just doodled this and gave up.

Today I learnt that painting a picture of someone with flaky smurf-blue face paint on is near enough impossible… So I just doodled this and gave up.

Would You Like Milk With That?

Is it wrong that 2 supposed adults in their twenties can spend 4 hours drinking 2 cups of tea whilst primarily only being focused on small cups of milk rather than the beverage to hand?

Maybe not... but when that fascination becomes the second stolen article in this weeks crime spree (the first being a miraculous pair of scissors finding their way into my handbag), now that is wrong. We haven't felt this risky since I stole a pack of chewing gum from the co-op (at the age of 13) because I was 21p short of the sum of my desired sweets and when Laura swiped fake/play money at primary school failing at her role of responsible shopkeeper.

2 pints of fizzy pop + 4 cups of tea + 2 stolen milk pots. This is called living life on the wild side folks.

I can only hope the higher beings at wetherspoons aren't too put out.

Stolen Article:

Perpetrators:

Note to self: I really need to earn some money.

Wednesday 4 November 2009

Monday 2 November 2009

25 Things From a 21 Year Old:

The whole "25 things" schtick was a massive hit on facebook and I fought the urge to be dragged into what i felt was an ego trip of pointless dribble that would only interest the person writing it... Until now.

I could sit here and reel off useless facts like whenever I walk over a bridge I have an urge to spit off it, that I don't remember falling asleep in the last 3 months even though I know it's impossible to have not, that i fantasize writing "EXIT" on every door I pass through incase I can't find a way out or that I once had such an all consuming hatred for my nan's pet budgee that I contemplated pouring a hot cup of coffee on it... but that's almost all I would be able to come up with.

So alternatively I'm going to write something more substantial and list 25 things I am in a position to be grateful/appreciative of in my current state of mind:

  1. That no matter how unlucky I feel I am in any of my small undertakings, my life is always full of opportunity.
  2. That you can get 4 cartons of juice for £3 in TESCO and 2 sticks of lipsalve in Boots for £1.70!
  3. Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar"
  4. That there are songs that remind me of every relationship in my life no matter how fleeting.
  5. The fact Lily Allen came back this year with a nice haircut and a newfound hatred of shirts.
    Case in Point:
  6. The fact that I heard a 40 year old man nickname his friend 'beardmobile' on the street.
  7. Yoko Ono:
    "In a day, sometimes I feel so much love for the world, I think
    my heart is bursting. Sometimes, I feel so scared, I want to
    shrink myself even further. I think that’s what happened to us gods
    and goddesses. Like the dinosaurs, we realized that it’s too dangerous
    to be so large. So we kept shrinking ourselves to what we are now."
  8. That I will always think I need to avoid getting close to people but I know I'll never really be alone/lonely.
  9. The "Genius" option on itunes.
  10. The realization that only I have the power to determine if I am happy or unhappy, and for how long for.
  11. That I can put my head next to any window, listen to music and imagine I'm floating above and outside my body for hours.
  12. The people I've met and the books I've read. Even the bad ones.
  13. The way my housemate can avoid drama at all costs, and even though he has alot he could complain about, he won't.
  14. Appreciating this but also wishing I came up with the idea first: http://web.arch.usyd.edu.au/~andrew/infostudio_2006/works/SOO_2.pdf
  15. The fact that twitter makes me feel like I'm intimate friends with the stars.
  16. That I met a person who ate only jam sandwiches for a year, and now I know I might have to say goodbye to that person. But that possible eventuality seems OK knowing that I will remember facts like that instead of the ones that could distort them if I stay.
  17. True Romance - "I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and things seemed to be getting so shitty. And he'd say, "that's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." That's the way romance is... Usually, that's the way it goes, but every once in awhile, it goes the other way too."
  18. The sky is blue.
  19. Relating to Paul Rudd's awkward social skills in "I Love You, Man".
  20. This Photograph:

  21. That everything changes tomorrow. That I'll always have tomorrow.
  22. When everything else seems unwearable/unwashed I can always rely on the fact that there will be clean socks in a box on top of my wardrobe.
  23. That the real beauty in life is that we are all collectively wandering where we like, and when we want. For no reason at all, I love that.
  24. Someone once told me that if you can count on 5 fingers or more the people you could go to in a crisis and that would help you without expectation then you can count yourself lucky. I count myself lucky.
  25. I secretly know as neurotic as I can trick myself into being, there is nothing I don't love about my life.

Saturday 17 October 2009

Noone wants to be an ostrich.

“To live would be an awfuly big adventure” - J.M. Barrie, ‘Peter Pan’.

This is the last time I attempt to ignore my own problems and live in the anxieties of the people around me, this is the last time I try and live for other people, this is the last time I try and save everyone else to ignore my own pain, this is the last time I push everything I care about away. This is the last time I try and pretend to be somebody else. Probably.

I’m tired of being a perfectionist. I’m never going to be perfect.

I’m tired of being a dreamer. Nothing is ever going to live up to my expectations.

I’m tired of making the same mistakes.

Maybe it’s OK to be unhappy? Maybe if I admit it to myself I’ll finally give myself the chance to breathe. Maybe there is beauty in merely being alive? It may be true that anything can happen, but hiding away from such a reality is much worse when you face nothing happening to you at all.

Goodbye ‘Peter Pan’ complex. Farewell crippling self absorption. Auf Wiedersehen to dreams of the impossible. Hello, we welcome you to the real world.

Thursday 24 September 2009


The Singapore River.

Sunday 20 September 2009


Sanur beach, Bali.

Monday 31 August 2009