Saturday, 27 February 2010

I’m tired of being in the middle of things

I'm taking a gigantic leap out of the circle and instead becoming a square.

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Friday, 19 February 2010

A list of expensive/important possessions that I have misplaced/lost:

1. My passport

2. The 1gb memory card from my SLR.

3. My specs.

4. My provisional driving license.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

a quote from Fran Lebowitz

"Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."

The Achey Breaky Heart CD

‘What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?’
- Nick Hornby, High Fidelity.

The mix CD I’m making for Amie and Suzi in a tripod project of procrastination is starting to cut a little too close to the bone.

What came first the music or the broken heart? Would we know what a broken heart was without the music giving us unrealistic expectations of romance?


P.s. Despite its misleading name it does not contain Billy Ray Cyrus. I know you’re disappointed Suzi.

It's 4.30am...

and I’m still awake. Guess I might as well strike off any hopes of doing anything productive today.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Up The Creek Without A Paddle

Monday last week, in a moment of extreme boredom/brain damage I bought 32 disks/90 hours/6 seasons worth of angsty pre-teen nostalgia known as ‘Dawson’s Creek’ and I have been been watching it obsessively compulsively for an entire week.

20 hours in and I’m starting to think when there are no more episodes I’m either going to:

A) Fall apart.

B) Spontaneously combust.

C) Go into therapy.

At the very least I think my Imac will explode out of confusion when I finally manage to shutdown and at this rate I’m going to be done and dusted by wednesday.

The only thing to do is distract myself with something else impeccably 90’s - ‘Six Feet Under’ maybe? But for now I can remained fathomed by the sheer amount of video tapes watched, gigantic mobile phones and old style blueberry macs used and mules worn.

P.s. Michelle Williams, I love you.

Monday, 15 February 2010


Every available out I can see myself running away to is just leading me straight back to square one.

I’m getting tired.

Saturday, 13 February 2010

a quote from j.d. salinger (a girl i knew)

"She wasn’t doing a thing that I could see, except standing there, leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together."

Right Before Bedtime...

I get all these profound thoughts enter my head about how I feel and what I could blog about. I organise, I plan, I make sense, I catalogue, I formulate paragraphs and create artworks all in my mind. But then I wake up, productivity levels rise but my mind is blocked, my ideas are dust and I can’t remember a thing. I’m not entirely satisfied about my reflection in these internet blogging thingys at the moment.

I think it’s about time I invest in an under pillow notebook.

Monday, 8 February 2010

What's Worse?

1. The fact that I don’t think you’re attracted to me.

3. The fact that I still wish you were.

Sunday, 7 February 2010


I’m tired of allowing some the right to make me feel like it. Especially when so many make me feel the opposite. Lately I have felt the need to be a little too apologetic and a little too eager to please. My friend once told me how bizarre it was that I give little regard to most people’s opinions but every 1 in 50 there will be someone I will seek approval from, and that persons judgement can have the power to make or break me, even if it goes against the other 49 people’s views. Some kind of magnetic pull to another. Some form of warped admiration that takes hold.

That is something that needs to be stopped. I don’t like the strained feeling of discomfort that comes with having such a reliance. It’s starting to unsettle me, make me weaker and more awkward.

I have two personalities constantly in a struggle with each other. The person I am and the person I want to promote in order to be that bit more magnetic. That pretense will always dissipate into someone else entirely and explode to form a whole new being. A third person. A hybrid. Someone strange and something odd.

The girl who craves your attention.

My friend also told me that everyone would like to be just that little more magnetic but the reality of being so is likely to be superficial and therefore lonely.

I don’t want to risk becoming either of those things.